SOPs for boarding a Trolleybus1. Decide before the trolleybus even arrives that you are boarding the next bus no matter how busy it is or how many people have been waiting at the bus stop before you.
2. As the trolleybus approaches, estimate where the doors will open and stand in that place.
3. As the doors open, deny anyone on the bus the opportunity to exit. Raise one hand onto the handrail and haul oneself against the flow of people.
4. Curse anyone who even slightly touches you as they try to exit the trolleybus.
5. Once two feet have been placed on the steps of the entrance, release the hand hold and adopt the elbow barge postion.
5. a. Grit ones teeth or adopt a scowling, me verses the world, do-you-know-what-I’ve-been-through expression.
5. b. Bend both arms at the elbow with hands meeting together at the in the middle of the chest
5. c. Extend elbows outwards until the hands are touching the sides of the waist. (You should be looking like an angry teacher by now). Make sure at this point your handbag doesn’t slip off your wrist
5. d. Step forward, possibly with your head slightly bent downwards, twisting your body from left to right
5. e. Do not be afraid of others. Your stern facial expression will deflect their comments or looks and your incredibly thick coat, even in summer, will absorb any physical action.
6. Maintain this position until a seat becomes available or it is time to exit the trolleybus.
7. (For undercover inspectors only)
a. Pull out your identification badge from under your blouse and let it hang by the chain around your neck so that all can see the authority invested in you to bring justice to those who travel without a ticket (in spoken Lithuanian this is called travelling “Zuikis”, or as a rabbit!).
b. Take out a small notebook from your immensely large handbag.
c. Mete out justice.
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